Well this is todays tickle:

“Police are searching for an unkempt, bearded man after two reports of horses being interfered with in South Gloucestershire.

The first incident was in the Bridgeyate area at about 12.45pm on Tuesday, October 20, when a member of the public saw a man in a field with a horse.

The man appeared to carry out a sexual act before he made off on a bicycle along the cycle path towards Bitton.

He was described as aged about 40, of medium build, dirty-looking, with a black beard and black hair. He wore a three-quarter-length coat, carried a backpack and rode a mountain bike.”

Of course I thought it was con- so I checked their website- and sure enough “free Fridays”

So I put a reminder in my tasks in Outlook (very organised), and at a couple of minutes past 2pm I sent out numerous text messages.

Then I thought I better check my balance- and the bar stewards had charged me for them!

So I phoned their helpline- Got put through to India or Bangladesh or somewhere. I explained the problem to the gentleman and all was quiet

“You don’t know what I am talking about do you?” I asked him. He mumbled something about it being on a Saturday. No I said- Fri 23^rd- it is plastered all over the internet. (the clue is in the name- “Free Fridays!”

He put me on hold while he went and spoke to someone. Eventually came back and asked me my password. Password?? I never even phone Vodafone- I don’t know. I said give me a clue- is it numeric? Alphabetic? His reply was it was the password I set up when I registered the phone.

I told him that was 1996 and surely I couldn’t be expected to remember that without a hint!

He mumbled something again and put me on hold to speak to a supervisor

And I waited

And waited

And waited

After nearly 10 mins (on a national rate phone call) I thought sod this and hung up

So I have fired off the obligatory complaint email (it must have been several months since my last complaint to anyone!) and I get an automated response telling me that I will be contacted in 5 days time

5 days?

Yeah thanks a lot

Robbing bloody con artists

I hate fish- I cant eat it, I can’t even bear the smell of it. If I were to be stuck on a desert island I really don’t know how I would survive. On coconuts hopefully- and maybe the odd passing crispy duck or Sirloin steak. or maybe I would just ferment the coconuts and get drunk out of my brain on the results.

But fish pie got me thinking about Christmas in Mousehole- and their famous Stargazy Pie. Even people I know who like fish pie don’t like the idea of their food looking up at them!

Small things like this amuse me

I don’t think the sheep were too amused

I have found all sorts of things lurking in my drawers. I have only been here 3 years, but there is all sorts of accumulations in here. It doesn’t help that I have moved house twice in that time.

An old phone manual for my home phone? A card reader for my bank card? An old pot of turkish apple tea? A bag of fruit and nut that had too many sultanas in- so all the nuts have been eaten but there are loads of sultanas left…A bag of jelly beans that all the flavours have been eaten apart from the hideous licorice- ewww

It’s sometimes scary how quickly time passes. Sometimes it feels like forever, and others like the last 3 years have never happened

Desk cleared- photos saved to disc. nothing to do other than play on Farmville- it took me a while to get onto this craze, but I am finally there. I’ve got a few chickens and cows, and I am currently waiting for my Squash patch to mature…. Just like being at home!

And every 15 mins or so I get an awful whiff

I can only describe it as someone in here ate a curry or garlic bread last night, and today I am the one suffering

I will definately be going outside at lunch just so I can get some fresh air!

ewwwwwwwwwww

For anyone that knows me- I live pretty much in the middle of nowhere. So it’s a pretty safe bet that you have alot of privacy- so we only have a blind in the bathroom- which seeing as it was a glorious summer’s evening last night the blinds were open and I was enjoying lying back in the bath staring up at the sky

All of a sudden- what the hell is that?

There is a hot air balloon passing right over the house

One of those big basket ones with about 20 people in it

I swear they could see right in as the balloon but it’s burners on to clear the roof of the house. I could certainly see them clear as anything leaning out the basket with their cameras!

I froze in fright- hoping the most they would be able to see was a bare back…

The question I need to ask now is - did those poor people then demand a refund?

It’s bad enough that people of a reasonable age (twenty something) in decent jobs on VERY decent salaries and a decent education can’t speak properly- but it’s no surprise when lyrics are so dreadful! Anything just to make something rhyme

take for example the Sugababes song

Not only does it annoy me the fact that it is trying to be Right Said Fred (badly) but the following lyric should mean that the writers should be shot at point blank range:

“When I’m drivin’ in my car

Or I’m standin’ at the bar

It don’t matter where I are”

I mean, what the hell is THAT about?? Could they not find something to rhyme with car & bar???? I can think of a million words!

Far

Ajar

Star

Ok, so maybe not a million, but better ones that “where I are”

Where I AM you stupid people “AM” “AM” “AM”

Don’t even get me STARTED on JLS

“We should have never broke up”

BROKE????????

GIVE ME STRENGTH!